You're Better Off With(out) Me
by Ryeaugla
Summary: The people of Colony 9 were deathly afraid of a small child, the sole survivor of a terrible tragedy. They were certain that he was a harbinger of disaster and death would befall anybody who attempted to befriend him. But by pushing the boy away, they didn't realize they were pushing him to the brink of total despair...


**A/N:** So on Tumblr, I reblogged a post for my Shulk roleplay blog where I had to bold things that he has done before. One of the options was 'attempted suicide'. After posting the reblogged meme, I soon got an ask inquiring why I had bolded that particular option, and I gave a short story as to why I did so, making something up really quickly.

And that's where this drabble comes into play. I want to expand that short story into something more substantial, because I liked what I came up with. So yeah, have a very headcanon-heavy 'attempted suicide' drabble about Shulk. There's a happy ending though, so don't worry!

One last thing: Shulk and Reyn are about 4-5 years old here, just as a frame of reference for where this fits into the Xenoblade timeline.

Also, this story has been cross posted onto my Archive of Our Own account, where I go by the same username as I do here. I haven't taken this story from anybody but myself.

* * *

Demon child. Bringer of death. Cursed.

These were the words that the people of the tiny colony nestled behind the right calf of the mighty Bionis called the little blond haired boy that Dickson had come back with from an expedition to Valak Mountain. About half a dozen brave explorers had gone into the coldest, most inhospitable area of the titan in search of a rumor, a hope that there they would find something to combat the menace from Mechonis that was threatening the Homs people with extinction.

The explorers found that hope, but not before losing their lives in the process.

Only a small child survived the catastrophe that claimed all the others, found huddled up but alive beneath a pedestal on which a beautiful ruby sword had been waiting for its discovery for a very, very long time.

Dickson had told everybody in the colony that the expedition group had perished in a great avalanche, their bodies buried beneath tons of snow. That alone wouldn't have been enough for the people of the colony to demonize the small, frail child named 'Shulk' by Dickson who had been rescued from the disaster, as most would have chalked it up to pure coincidence.

But that wasn't the only disaster the little boy had supposedly brought. Several months later, an explosion occurred at the Weapons Development Laboratory in the Military District of the colony, killing almost everybody inside. Once again, the sole survivor of the disaster was Shulk, who had the misfortune of walking into the building right before the destruction in search of Dickson. He was looking for the man who had essentially become the boy's father, knowing that he often worked in that lab. When the lab exploded, a sturdy table fell on top of Shulk and shielded him from the inferno. The child was later found crying loudly from under the furniture, unable to move away from the wreckage that saved his life because the heavy table had crushed his wrist and pinned him beneath. Considering most individuals didn't make it out alive, Shulk was lucky to come away from the disaster with nothing more than a broken wrist and a couple of minor scrapes and burns.

The third incident and the one that cemented Shulk's status as cursed was one where a malfunction in the debris cannons caused a large piece of earth to come tumbling down onto a schoolhouse. The teacher and several of the children were killed in the wreckage, but yet again Shulk survived the disaster all because he sat at the back of the room. Wherever this child went, the likelihood of disaster went up tremendously, people finally noticed.

And because of that, nobody wanted anything to do with Shulk anymore. Parents started to callously yank their children's hands back whenever they got close to the boy and adults in general looked down upon him in distaste. Those who were forced to interact with the blond child did so in a very robotic manner, trying to limit the amount of time they had in contact with him.

The entire colony treated Shulk like garbage, and so he started to see himself as nothing more than garbage. Without any friends and constantly being called things like 'evil', 'demon', and 'disgusting' by both kids and adults, the boy shuttered himself off to his books, imagining himself as the brave heroes of lore that he read about - ones that people lauded as heroes and paragons of justice. What Shulk would give to be one of such heroes when he got older, to win the respect and love of people.

But what kind of hero dealt with constantly being sick and weak? Shulk was the last person anybody would ever expect to become a hero. His wish would only be a dream.

* * *

One day, the blond child was desperately hungry. There was nothing in Dickson's house, and so with what little money he had, Shulk wandered out to the Ether Light in order to get something from one of the vendors. It was just a simple walk over to the Shopping District, pay for food, and hurry back home. What was supposed to just be a simple task ended up going horribly wrong.

Getting to the Ether Light was simple enough, as was getting the food. It was a pretty typical exchange, where the boy just ordered what he wanted, the vendor demanded the money coldly, and he got the food in return. No further conversation from that was necessary, not with a cursed child. Barely even phased by the coldness of how things went anymore, Shulk just started munching on the Tirkin Leg he had gotten with his money while ambling back to Dickson's place. As a result, he wasn't really paying attention to where he was going.

Because of this, the boy ended up smacking into the leg of a domesticated Armu. Surprised, the beast reared up and bucked out its front two legs. The driver of the creature was trying to affix something to the side of the Armu and was thrown off as a result. The poor man plummeted over the railing that protected passersby from going over the side of the walkway and fell to the beach below, screaming the whole time. Shulk watched in horror, knowing that what just happened was his fault.

Even worse, there were people in full view of everything and could see that the boy had bumped into the Armu to cause the disaster. Several people were already yelling at Shulk, calling him a menace, a demon, and other terrible things. As a result, the child threw down his lunch and dashed as fast as he could all the way back to Dickson's place, crying at the top of his lungs the whole way.

Later Shulk found out that the man had survived the ordeal, but the fellow did nothing to better the whole 'cursed child' situation, belittling Shulk for being inattentive and causing the accident in the first place. What little self esteem had been recovered after finding out the guy survived had been crushed again in an instant as the blue eyed child once more got told that the colony would be better off without him.

And perhaps maybe they were right.

* * *

Several days later, Shulk made a decision. Nobody appreciated him and they were always wishing that he was gone. If he really did disappear for good, nobody would miss him. It was likely they wouldn't even know he was gone until days, weeks later even, and by then, his Ether would have likely been completely reabsorbed by the Bionis.

Just as his parents' Ether had been by this time. Due to the accident on Valak Mountain, he possessed no memories of his parents, but he still missed them terribly. At least when he finally went through with disappearing for good, Shulk figured he would finally get to be with the parents whose faces he had forgotten once more.

But how did a child as young as Shulk go about committing suicide in the first place? Wandering over to the Weapons Development Laboratory or even the Military District in general would attract too much attention, especially so if he ended up grabbing some kind of weapon. Even then, Shulk couldn't really activate most of the weapons that they used himself, as they were too big or the mechanisms were too tight for his tiny fingers.

And then a perfect idea came to him, one that would have the added bonus of looking like a complete accident. Once people found out, he was sure that they would consider that his own curse did him in and nothing more.

He was going to get killed by monsters.

There was a group of Armus that wandered around not far outside the colony that could easily trample the kid. All he had to do was provoke them and he was as good as gone. Without saying goodbye to anybody, the flaxen haired child strolled toward the main entrance to the colony, knowing full well that it was unlikely that he would ever set foot on that bridge again alive.

As per usual, the pack of Armus that usually wandered around the area were up to their usual grazing, paying no attention to the little boy who came up close to them. They were naturally gentle, only really attacking when provoked. It made them easy to domesticate and use as carrier animals in the colony. But little Shulk knew the best way to get an Armu extremely upset. He bent down and found a sizable rock at his feet, picking it up to examine for a second.

And then, he flung it. Despite the boy's weakness, he managed to get a direct hit on the flank of a baby Armu, causing it to cry out in pain from the hit. This was enough to elicit an angry reaction from the nearby mother, who quickly spotted the attacker and looked ready to charge at him. She stamped her feet on the ground, making it clear that she was mad and that the boy should run away if he wanted to live.

Unfortunately, Shulk had no desire to move - no desire to keep living. And so the Armu charged at the blond child, easily knocking him down and trampling him with her feet. Shulk had been badly injured by the attack, but he was still alive. The creature wasn't quite finished with him, however. She wanted to pound the trouble-making Homs straight into the Bionis, and thus she reared up to stamp on him...

 **BANG!**

A loud gunshot echoed through the area, the noise bouncing off the walls of the basin. There was a pained snort as the Armu fell, but not in the direction she had been expecting to do so in. Rather, she landed off to the side, having taken a bullet wound to the face. Even in his terrible condition, Shulk was able to hear the noise and his eyes darted up to see a figure standing over him. His eyes were completely clouded over in pain, making it impossible to tell who it was just from sight, but the worried voice that came soon after made it clear who it was supposed to be.

* * *

"Shulk! Shulk, thank goodness yer still alive! What on Bionis were ya thinking, trying to provoke an Armu like that?! Ya could have been killed, ya damned kid!" The boy's eyes watered weakly as he realized that somebody actually did love him. He was too weak to reply, however, what little strength still remained in his tiny body quickly seeping out.

It was Dickson who had shot the Armu and saved Shulk's life. He quickly picked up the badly trampled child and hurried him back into the colony, hoping that doctors could save the boy before it was too late. The men and women working in the Military District Infirmary weren't so cold as to think twice when they saw Shulk in critical condition, not even caring whether it was the 'cursed child' that they were going to save. None of that mattered in a life or death situation like this.

The doctors all worked their hardest, making their best efforts to save the horribly injured child from dying to his wounds. Fortunately, they succeeded. The tiny, frail child managed to scrape through yet another tragedy once again, even if it was his own doing. Once Shulk was completely stable and capable of speech once more, Dickson came back in to talk to his adopted son about the incident.

"Yer really lucky, kid. I know I've said it before, but ya went and proved it again just now."

"Dickson..." The child's voice was soft and his eyes diverted from the mustachioed man standing over him. "There's something I need to tell you..."

"What is it, squirt?"

"...It's my fault that Armu attacked me." He admitted, still looking away. "I threw a stone at a calf and was hoping she would trample me... I thought the colony would be better off without me around, considering how much they hate me..." Tears were welling up in Shulk's eyes as he poured out his heart to Dickson, who in return sighed and buried his face into the palm of his right hand before continuing.

"...Shulk, I'm completely aware that ya started this whole mess." The elder Homs stated. "I followed ya out of the colony, you rascal. Didn't even look back ta see if I was coming up behind ya or not." After putting a hand on Shulk's forehead, he continued. "And the people of Colony 9 don't know what they're missing out on. Yer not cursed at all - really, I would call ya lucky more than anything else. It's pure coincidence all those awful things happened while you were around, but you're really lucky that you managed to scrape away from every single mess with a head still on yer little shoulders there. You've just gotta see on the bright side of things, ya know?"

"...The bright side of things..." The boy repeated finally looking up into his caretaker's eyes. "So... you're not mad at me for what I almost did?"

"I understand that the people have been pushing ya away, but doing something that stupid is still punishable. I'm not allowing ya out of my place fer several weeks as a result. In the meantime, I'm going to have a good long chat with everybody and try to convince them of the same thing I just convinced you of - that it ain't a curse surrounding ya, but a wealth of luck. By the time yer ungrounded, everybody should be treating you better, I promise."

* * *

It was a good thing that Shulk was a strong reader, reading faster than a lot of boys and girls at his age. As a result, the flaxen haired child spent most of his time with a face buried within a book while he was stuck inside Dickson's place during his grounding. He sat in the window next to the front of the building so that the light shined through onto the pages that he was reading. At the same time, Shulk was out in plain sight of the town while he sat there.

One day, a boy about the same age as Shulk with bright red hair and tanned skin caught sight of the kid his age sitting in the window all by himself. Curious, he wandered over behind the other boy and stood at the window looking in, not realizing his shadow was blocking out some of the reading light that the blond boy was using. As a result, Shulk looked over his shoulder at the other, blue eyes locking with brown ones. Shulk set down his book next to him and opened up the window so he could speak to the other.

"You're blocking my light! I need it to be able to read!" He hissed. The redhead blinked once before chuckling.

"Heheh, oops..." The kid's face lit up slightly with embarrassment, making it obvious that there were freckles all over his cheeks upon doing so. "Guess I make a better wall than a window, I s'pose." After that, the auburn haired boy took a step closer. "What're ya doin' inside on a nice day like this, though? The weather's great!"

"I can't go outside..." Shulk shook his head. "I've been grounded for getting myself in a heap of trouble."

"In that case, I'll come indoors with ya! Come over to yer door and lemme in!" As much as Shulk wanted to protest that both of them would be in trouble if Dickson caught the other inside, the redhead was the first person besides Dickson who was actually treating him with kindness. Maybe this kid could actually be a friend to him. And so, against his better judgment, Shulk let the redhead inside, allowing him to see the place before inviting the other over to the bench upon which he had been sitting before. The young boys hit it off with one another for a while, talking about various things ranging from school to the book Shulk was reading to more information about one another, until the redhead held out a hand for his new friend to shake rather suddenly.

"I'm Reyn!" The boy introduced himself, grinning widely. The blond child couldn't help but smile as well as he shook Reyn's hand.

"Well, I'm Shulk! Pleased to meet you, Reyn!"

"Same ta you, Shulk! I think this is gonna be the start to a great new friendship!"

Dickson had been watching Shulk and Reyn talk the whole time, having come from the upstairs of the small house upon hearing an unfamiliar voice. Instead of chasing off the redhead because Shulk was supposed to be grounded, however, he let the two boys just chat it up and become acquainted with one another. This Reyn kid could be exactly what Shulk needed, after all - a true friend.


End file.
